One night at Hemingway's, Bud Light was holding unannounced auditions to be in a local commercial. My friend and I stumbled upon it and, after several cocktails, got up the nerve to go for it. We clearly impressed the judges because, a few days later, we were called to officially audition. I ended up making it to the commercial but it was a bumpy road! Here's what happened to me:
Eight of us are backed up against a wall, standing at attention, in a long line while three men stare at us from behind a table. (It was as close to a "line-up" as I hopefully will ever come!) So, the judges start down the line asking a few boring, mundane questions, like "What is your name? Where are you from?" Boring! The first two girls were "stick-something-sharp-in-my-eye" annoying with their fake laughter and head shaking. The judges tired of them pretty quickly and arrive at me.
After the first two idiots, I'm no longer nervous and feeling quite comfortable. They ask me the routine "What is your name?" and "Where are you from?". When I say that I'm from the Midwest, the room lightens up. The judges are all from the Midwest too! "You're a Hoosier!...what is a Hoosier anyway?" I am about to launch into my "the many definitions of Hoosier" monologue when someone yells, "Hey, how did you get here...as in, what did you do at Hemingway's to get picked?" ...Uh-oh. I can feel alarm bells going off. They didn't ask the other people that question! I calmly reply that I was at Hemingway's Bar when I auditioned for the commercial. That's all. But they were persistent. "No, what did you do to audition?" Agh! Again, using my calmest voice, I quietly whisper, "I did the Roger Rabbit." ....Dead silence.... Oh, this is bad. The Roger Rabbit is a hip hop dance from the 90s that I couldn't do then either. Laughter breaks the silence. I look down the row to the guy at the end who is trying unsuccessfully to muffle his laughter. The middle panel judge blurts, "Well, let's see it! This should be good."
Panic hits me! My ears are buzzing! Oh no! I can't do this dance without a bloodstream full of liquid courage. This is really NOT GOOD! I look down at my cute little skirt and clogs, thinking that this is going to be ugly. I take a deep breath. "Um. Okay, but the skirt will hinder my performance a little." With that, laughter bursts onto the scene and a girl yells, "Hey! Take off your shoes."
It hits me then, that I am taking off my shoes and hiking up my skirt in front of all of these people. Not exactly how I wanted this to go.
As I'm finishing my dance, my eyes go directly to the guy that first laughed he had one hand over his mouth and one hand over his stomach. I couldn't decide if he was laughing or getting sick. Probably both! Ugh. Next, I look at the judges who are laughing a little too hard. One of them makes a sarcastic crack about "so much talent." I gather up my last shred of dignity, put my shoes back on and get back in line.
From that point forward, they asked every person, "What did you do to audition?" and "Can you dance?!!" And everyone danced thanks to me.
